The Tudors

Season 1

I Want My Agincort!
Henry decides to break the monotony by going to war with France. The Duke of Buckingham has a similar idea.

The French Dis-Connection
A treaty is made and broken, Mary Boleyn becomes another notch on Henry’s bedpost, and Buckingham is found out, unsurprisingly.

Poor Pace
Henry dumps the French and strikes a bargain with the Holy Roman Emperor. Charles Brandon gets a promotion, and Anne Boleyn gets Henry’s attention.

I Only Do It Because I Love You, Baby!
Henry realizes he might not be immortal after all. Margaret gets busy on the high seas and explores alternatives to divorce. Henry orders Wolsey to get him a divorce from Katherine.

Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very Bad Days
Everybody has a crappy day. Henry reads way too much subtext into a piece of jewelry.

Cardinal Clueless
Wolsey signs a treaty with the French, fails to get Henry his divorce, and somehow manages to be the last person on earth to find out that Henry’s hooking up with Anne Boleyn. Brandon wrestles his way back into court, and Henry asks the pope for permission to become a bigamist.

Bring Out Your Dead
The sweating sickness hits England–and Henry’s court–hard

The Beginning of the End
All of Wolsey’s bullying can’t prevent his inevitable downfall. Katherine and her French counterpart, Claude, get a little awesome.

Humpty Dumpty Had a Great Fall
The divorce case gets sent to Rome, making Wolsey’s downfall nearly complete. Anne starts to convert Henry, and Margaret dies.

Baby, Light My Fire
Everyone’s aflame! More’s burning heretics, Wolsey faces the prospect of hell, and Anne and Henry finally give into their burning desires.

Season 2

Boiling Point
As season 2 kicks off, things are reaching their boiling points–in one case, literally. Henry keeps trying to bully the bishops to get his divorce and kicks Katherine out of the palace because Anne’s tired of having her around. Boleyn tries to poison More and Bishop Fisher, to get rid of opposition to the divorce, and the pope orders a hit on Anne.

Paris, Je T’Aime
The church submits to Henry, which forces More to resign his office and contemplate martyrdom. Henry and Anne take a vacation to France to make friends with Francis again and have sex.

First Comes Love, then Comes Marriage…
…then comes a very sparsely attended coronation. Henry kicks Catholicism to the curb and marries Anne, who’s all kinds of knocked up. Our hapless assassin, Brereton, fails yet again to kill her before she can give birth to her daughter, Elizabeth.

Mr. Softie
As Henry moves closer to becoming a true sociopath, all the men around him prove they’ve got feelings. Brandon has some cute father-son time with his mysterious kid, Cromwell and Chapuys show their soft spots, and George Boleyn hooks up with Mark Smeaton. In other news, More gets his ass thrown in jail, and Anne, who’s pregnant again, puts her cousin in Henry’s bed.

All or Nothing
Fisher and More are finally called to give a definitive yay or nay on the Oath of Supremacy. Their nays get them killed.

Reap What You Sow
Cromwell starts spreading the word of the Reformation, while Anne gets increasingly crazier, more paranoid, and more isolated. Henry’s starting to get more than a little bored with her.

The Golden World
Katherine finally shuffles off the mortal coil, which pleases Anne almost as much as being pregnant again. Cromwell’s ruthlessly suppressing religious houses, resulting in a whole new underclass, and Henry meets Jane Seymour.

Love for Sale
Henry plays the courtly lover with Jane Seymour, and then has a nasty fall during a jousting tournament, sending everyone into a panic and possibly causing Anne’s miscarriage. Henry decides his marriage is over and wants to move on to wife #3.

These Bloody Days
It’s the end of the road for Anne, George, and a few other random unfortunates

Off With Her Head!
Anne Boleyn meets her maker

Season 3

Peace & War
Just as peace is restored to Henry’s family (at least, partially), a bunch of commoners up north start to get really, really pissed off about the pillage of the monasteries.

Northern Exposure
Things get so bad up north that Henry has to pretend to give in to the rebels’ demands across the board, even as he plots to stab them in the back.

Merry Christmas!
Jane’s pregnant and Henry’s got his family back together! Best Christmas ever! Then he beheads Darcy, imprisons Aske, sends Brandon north to needlessly slaughter thousands, and gets a really ugly painting. Worst Christmas ever!

Everybody Dies
Charles Brandon sets about slaughtering random people up north, to teach them a lesson. Aske is hanged at York, and Jane finally gives Henry a son, but doesn’t live long enough to enjoy it.

Fool
While Henry spends his days locked up with Argus Filch and drawing dream castles, the court descends into chaos. Also, Bryan totally sucks at his job.

Sketchy
Henry sends Holbein all over Europe to sketch potential brides while persecuting the entire Pole family back in England to try and draw Reginald out.

Marriage Made in Hell
Anne of Cleves arrives in England, and let’s just say Henry isn’t exactly the happiest bridegroom.

Just Messing With You!
Henry takes the hate part of his love-hate relationship with Cromwell a little too far and has the man executed. Mary has her marital hopes dashed yet again, and her father starts sleeping with a dumb blonde younger than she is.

Season 4

Headdesk
Henry marries wife #5, childish bimbo Katherine Howard and is too focused on trying to provoke war with France to notice that a sociopathic manservant covets Kate.

Below the Belt
Kate proves she’s as bitchy as she is stupid, and lots of people get laid (though sadly, not Charles).

Present Day
Henry hands out gifts like he’s Father Christmas, plans a progress to the north, sleeps with Anne of Cleves (yes, you read that right), and totally misses the fact that his wife is having an affair with his valet.

Ghosts
The ghosts of bad choices past come back to haunt Charles and Kate, in the forms of Lord Darcy and Frances Dereham

Ick Factor
We’ve got superfluous nudity, feces, torture scenes, and blood galore as the walls cave in on Kate, Culpeper, and a few others.

Where is Love?
Henry allies with the Emperor to declare war on France, messes with Scotland, and pursues wife #6, Katherine Parr.

Encore!
Henry gets married again, and goes to war with France. Again.

Hello, Goodbye
Farewell, Richard the Crackshot, we hardly knew ye. Henry and co. take Boulogne and bid farewell to France. Chapuys bids farewell to the English court and all of Henry’s BS.

Obsession
Surrey’s obsession with going after Seymour lead to his arrest and trial for treason; Gardiner, Risley, and Rich try to bring down Katherine by any means possible.

The Horse is Symbolic! Get It?
The series ends on a typically subtle note, with Henry being hounded by his dead wives and chased around by Death on a horse. Sadly, Death only manages to catch up with Charles Brandon.