Game of Thrones: Oathbreaker

Larson-GameofThrones2-1200Previously on Game of Thrones: Bran got to check out his family history, thanks to the Three-Eyed Raven, Arya was taken back to the House of Black and White, Dany was taken prisoner by the Dothraki, and Jon Snow was brought back to life.

The newly resurrected Jon Snow sits up as a shocked Davos watches and Ghost gives him a: ‘took you long enough!’ look. Jon gasps for air and shakes, looking terrified, and lurches off the table he was on. Davos catches him and asks him what he remembers. Jon remembers being stabbed to death, which must make this super freaky for him. He even remembers Olly dealing the death blow. He knows he should be dead. Davos explains that Melisandre brought him back. She steps forward and asks him what the afterlife was like. Nonexistent, apparently. She insists that the Lord brought him back for a reason. She thinks he’s the Prince that was Promised, now Stannis is out of the picture.

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Game of Thrones: Home

36190303rooseramsay1280-1460482372223_largePreviously on Game of Thrones: Bran went north of the Wall to train with the three-eyed raven, which is now a man. Arya lost her sight and was kicked out of the House of Black and White; Thorne promised amnesty to Davos and Jon’s remaining loyal friends, though they all know that’s total BS; and Tyrion tried to figure out what the hell to do with Meereen.

Bran’s in his training, and has somehow been sent back to Winterfell to watch his dad and uncle Benjen play fighting as children. Their sister, Lyanna, rides into the courtyard. Bran’s delighted to see her, since he’s only ever known her as a statue. She dismounts and calls for Wylis, whom Bran recognises as a young Hodor. And he talks! Lyanna urges Wylis to do some practice fighting with Benjen, giving him a tip before he gets started, but then Nan comes out and hustles Wylis away and back to the stables where he belongs. The Raven tells Bran it’s time to go and recalls him to reality.

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Game of Thrones: The Red Woman

game-of-thrones-season-6-melisandre-caricePreviously on Game of Thrones: Things in Meereen seriously went to shit, so Dany escaped on one of her dragons and wound up in the hands of the Dothraki, while Tyrion was left in charge of the city and Jorah and Daario went looking for their queen. Jamie went to Dorne to fetch his niece/daughter, only to have her die on the way home, courtesy of the Sand Snakes. Sansa was married off to Ramsay, which went as horribly as you can imagine, but she and Theon escaped while her husband was off fighting Stannis. And Stannis? He got desperate enough to burn his own daughter at the stake at Melisandre’s urging, and that wasn’t enough to save him, let alone ensure his victory. Arya went off-book during her training at the House of Black and White, engaging in a little freelance revenging, and was blinded for her pains. And finally, Jon tried keeping both the Night’s Watch and the Wildlings happy, and only got himself stabbed to death.

No new locations this week! Yay!

The camera lingers on dead Jon for a while, just in case anyone was in any doubt that he might have survived being stabbed several times at point-blank range. Ghost howls mournfully, finally getting Davos’s attention. Davos goes out to see what’s up (he didn’t hear the commotion of the crowd stabbing Jon to death?) and is shocked to see Jon lying there in the snow. Some of Jon’s friends materialise and are just as surprised. They move his body inside, setting it on a hastily cleared table, and realise he’s beyond all help. They all quickly agree that Thorne was behind this and start making plans, fully aware they can hardly trust anyone and need some more help.

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Game of Thrones: Mother’s Mercy

game-of-thrones-mothers-mercy-screenshot-2-970x546-cPreviously on Game of Thrones: Cersei stupidly armed a bunch of religious zealots who, predictably, turned on her. Over the objections of many, Jon set off to fetch a bunch of Wildlings and bring them to safety below the Wall; Dany dealt with the problems in Meereen by flying away on the back of one of her dragons; Stannis burned his own child to death in order to be king (stupid as well, because then who’s going to inherit after him?); Jaime and Bronn had a totally boring time in Dorne; and Arya found a target.

‘I’m glad the end of the world’s working out well for someone.’

‘Do you know who you are? You’re no one. Nothing.’

‘Only death can pay for life.’

The snow and ice is melting, and a pleased Melisandre seeks out Stannis to point out that the Lord of Light has cleared the way to Winterfell. Stannis is, if you will, a bit chilly towards her for the whole child burning situation, as if it weren’t his decision, ultimately. He leaves his tent and runs right into a whole load of bad news: half his men have deserted, taking the horses with them (I predicted a lot of his soldiers would turn on him), and Selyse has hung herself. Melisandre, seeing the way the winds are turning, grabs what must have been the one remaining horse and gets the hell out of there.

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Game of Thrones: The Dance of Dragons

77a348d5-e55a-42ea-a4a2-e82e284eb5ab-620x372Previously on Game of Thrones: Arya got her first assassination assignment, Dany took Tyrion on as an advisor, Melisandre told Stannis he’d have to sacrifice his daughter to win the war, and Jon managed to survive a terrifying White Walker attack and headed back to the Wall with some of the Free Folk.

‘Is there anything I can do to help you?’
‘Yes, there is.’
‘Good, I want to.’

Stannis’s camp at night. It’s cold and miserable, buried in snow. Melisandre looks up from a flaming brazier in her tent, sensing something, and then goes outside just in time to see some of the tents erupt in flames. Men start running in terror, horses scream, and one horse totally ablaze comes rushing through the camp.

The next day, Davos gives Stannis the death and destruction toll: 20 men rode into camp and killed hundreds of horses and several of the men, as well as destroying all the food stores and siege weapons. Yikes. Stannis calls for the guards to be put in chains, because clearly they weren’t doing their jobs. Davos suggests they return to Castle Black, because their situation is getting fairly dire, but Stannis knows they won’t make it. He orders the dead horses butchered for meat (hey, if life gives you lemons, I guess) and eyes his family and Melisandre.

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Game of Thrones: Hardhome

rs_1024x681-150528133626-1024.3.Game-of-thrones-hard-home-episode.jl.052815Previously on Game of Thrones: Jorah made a gift of Tyrion, Jon headed off to Hardhome to try and persuade the wildlings to join in the fight against the White Walkers, and Arya began her training.

‘Belief is so often the death of reason.’

‘I don’t intend to stop the wheel. I plan to break the wheel.’

Jorah and Tyrion have been brought before Dany, who sits enthroned far above both of them. She asks Tyrion why she shouldn’t just go ahead and kill him and he tells her that he’s killed at least two Lannisters (his mother and father), so she should welcome him with open arms. He runs through Dany’s whole history and says that she’s come far in a very short time and he thought she was worth meeting, but if she’s going to go further, she needs help from someone who understands the land she wants to rule. He just so happens to know all about that. He offers to be an advisor to her. She asks what she should do with Jorah. After all, she swore to kill him if she saw him again, and she can’t be seen to go back on her promises. Tyrion says that, whomever Jorah was when he started informing on her, he’s not that man now. He’s hugely devoted to serving her. He asks if Jorah had an opportunity to confess his betrayal. She says he did, but he didn’t confess until forced to do so. Tyrion says that Jorah loves and worships her but didn’t trust that she would be wise enough to forgive him. She thinks he’s advising she kill Jorah, but Tyrion points out that a ruler who kills those devoted to them isn’t a rule who inspires devotion. And she’ll have to inspire devotion. But she can’t have Jorah at her side. Dany orders him removed from the city. Poor Jorah. He’s marched out of the Great Pyramid and looks down at the infection on his wrist.

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Game of Thrones: The Gift

Game-of-Thrones-579765Previously on Game of Thrones: Sansa was married off to Ramsay, and it was awful; Stannis marched on Winterfell; and Cersei armed some zealots and used them against the Tyrells.

Let’s start with Jon getting ready to ride off to collect the Wildlings and bring them South of the Wall. Tormund is brought out to accompany him and there are some long, hard looks sent his way by Olly and other men of the Night’s Watch. Jon goes over to Allister, to tell him he’s officially in charge while Jon’s away. Alliser tells him he thinks this is a terrible idea and Jon pretty much shrugs and says, ‘noted,’ before getting a much warmer send-off (as well as some dragonglass) from Sam. Just in case. Aww.

Gillie takes Little Sam to see Aemon, who’s now so weak he’s bedridden. He delights in the child and says he laughs like Aemon’s little brother, Aegon, did when he was tiny. Back then, Aemon called him Egg. He warns Gillie to take the child south before it’s too late.

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Game of Thrones: Unbent, Unbowed, Unbroken

5x06-Unbowed-Unbent-Unbroken-game-of-thrones-38486890-2100-1398Previously on Game of Thrones: Tyrion and Jorah were set upon by Stone Men who managed to infect Jorah; Jaime and Bronn arrived in Dorne, unaware that the Sand Snakes are also after Myrcella; and Cersei organized the arrest of Loras Tyrell by the Sparrows.

Arya’s still at work washing bodies at the House of Black and White, and she’s starting to get a wee bit tired of it. After her current body is taken away, she tries to steal through the door it’s removed through, but the other girl slams it shut and orders her to get back to work. Arya demands a reason why she’s doing this and the other girl tells her she’ll know why when the proper time comes. Arya asks when she gets to play the Game of Faces again and the girl just reminds her that she failed once and tells her to get back to work. Arya asks who the girl is and the girl says that she was the daughter of a Westros lord, an only child, and her stepmother had a daughter and tried to kill the older girl with poison. The girl sought help from the Faceless Men and rewidowed her father. Sounds pretty standard for Westros’s elite families.

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Game of Thrones: Kill the Boy

GOT505_JonSnow-1024x683Previously on Game of Thrones: Petyr dumped Sansa at Winterfell so she could marry Ramsay Bolton, Jorah snatched Tyrion so he could take him to Dany, and the Sons of the Harpy ambushed Barristan and Grey Worm.

Hey, Grey Worm’s alive! Yay! He’s unconscious, being tended by Missy. Barristan, on the other hand, is quite dead, lying in state in Dany’s throne room. She looks down at him sadly and tenderly as Hizdhar comes in and gives his condolences. Dany angrily says this man was a loyal friend who was butchered by cowards. Daario lays out his plan to start combing the city street by street, until all the Sons have been flushed out but Dany’s in more of a hurry and also eager to prove that she can be a ‘leader’ in the Joffrey mode and orders all the leaders of Meereen’s great families be rounded up. Hizdhar is like, ‘uh, I’m the leader of a great family.’ That’s right, and here are some guards to take you away! He protests as he’s dragged off that he had nothing to do with this. I think Dany needs to go have a refresher on the notion of ‘justice’.

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Game of Thrones: Sons of the Harpy

Barristan Selmy, Game of ThronesPreviously on Game of Thrones: Petyr took Sansa to Winterfell to marry her off to Ramsay Bolton, Ellaria tried to convince Oberyn’s brother to go to war and avenge his brother, and Tyrion got kidnapped by Jorah.

Dorne is our cool new addition to the opening credits.

A man ties up his fishing vessel at night, returns to shore, and is immediately knocked unconscious by Jorah, who drags him onto the beach and steals his boat, tossing a bound and gagged Tyrion in first.

Meanwhile, on a slightly larger boat, we catch up with Jaime and Bronn, just passing by Brienne’s hometown of Tarth. Belowdecks, Bronn asks why they’re travelling so incognito and Jaime explains that they’re going to sneak ashore.

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