Game of Thrones: Girl Power

game-of-thrones-season-3Previously on Game of Thrones: Margaery started winning over Joffrey and the people of King’s Landing; Theon was released from his tormentors, almost recaptured, and then rescued again; Jaime found himself one hand shorter; and Daenerys bartered one of her dragons for a massive army.

No new locales in the credits this week. Thank God, because it’s hard enough to remember all the ones we already have.

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Downton Abbey: Before and After

Previously on Downton Abbey: We learned that war is hell, just in case you weren’t sure. Matthew came by with his new fiancée, who’s already being sneered at by Carson and Violet, even though she seems like a perfectly sweet girl. Bates got dragged off by his horrible wife, Vera, who’ll probably bleed him dry in no time. Both Sybil and Edith decided it was time to start being useful, and Thomas figured out a way to get sent home from the front.

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Monarchy-The Royal Family at Work: State Visit, Part II

When we last caught up with the royals, they were in the U.S. on a state visit. They’re still there, taking in the action at the Kentucky Derby for the weekend before heading to Washington, D.C. for the first white tie banquet of George Bush II’s presidency (don’t forget, this was filmed back in 2007).

The White House is getting all dressed up—new coat of paint and all. One of the painters explains that the color used on the White House is Whisper, not China White or Antique White. Good to know. The White House horticulturalist is overseeing the planting of flowers, so everything looks pretty. Everyone admits that there’s a lot to do, but they’re not stressed or worried about it at all. The First Lady’s staff seems to be largely in charge of what’s happening, and we get to see a fascinating meeting where they discuss the possibility of pictures in the State Dining room.

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Pan Am: Rescue Me

Previously on Pan Am: Laura ran away from her wedding with her sister Kate’s help, then followed Kate into the exciting world of stewardessing. Collette had her little French heart fractured a bit, while pilot Dean had his broken into a million pieces when his girlfriend, Bridget, disappeared. Her disappearance is probably connected to the spying she was doing for the British government, which Kate will be taking over from now on.

Dean seems to have recovered rather well. He’s driving toward the airport in his nifty convertible, smiling happily as he takes in the sight of the Pan Am building. As luck would have it, he spots Colette stranded by the side of the road and offers to give her a lift, with a bit of cute banter between the two of them that reveals they’re both on their way to Paris. Colette agrees to bring him dinner and coffee during the flight, if he does something for her. You mean, something other than drive you to the airport so you don’t miss your flight and lose your job?

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The Pallisers, Part IV: After the Ball

Previously on The Pallisers: Glencora freaked out so thoroughly about meeting Burgo again she purposely got sick to avoid him. Alice, meanwhile, threw herself back into George’s arms.

Vavasor Hall. Grandpa tells Alice’s dad that he’s warming to the idea of Alice and George marrying, because it would keep her money (inherited from her dead mother) in the family. Dad’s clearly the smartest person in the family and realizes George’ll just squander the cash, along with everything else he inherits. Grandpa plans to settle the estate on their eldest son, so all George could access would be the income from the estate. What if they don’t have a son? What then? Does Matthew Crawley inherit? Dad still thinks George is a worthless scoundrel, and he says as much, just as Alice comes downstairs. She waits until her dad’s done railing against her future husband before coming into the dining room for a meeting with grandpa. Grandpa asks her if she’s fixed a date for the wedding, and of course she hasn’t, because this is Alice we’re talking about. These early episodes were apparently based on a Trollope novel that was all about Alice’s dithering and was so tiresome even his contemporaries made fun of it. Dad helpfully asks her why she broke her engagement to George before. She delicately responds that he “behaved unworthily.” I’ll say. Dad thinks George will behave just as poorly now, but Alice foolishly thinks he’s changed, and anyway, she’s older now and “much more understanding.” Excuse me? Is she saying she’d be cool with George screwing around on her?

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Poirot: The Yellow Iris

A balding man with a moustache and Geraldine Somerville make their way across a graveyard and lay a bunch of yellow iris on the grave of a woman named Iris Russell, who died in 1934 aged 32. Geraldine (Pauline here) refers to the man as Barton and pleads with him about something mysterious. He tells her not to stop him, because he has to do “it.” She flatly tells him she’s afraid, and he tells her not to be. He shares it’s been two years since Iris dies and vows to help her rest in peace.

Poirot’s getting an OCD start to his morning, placing perfect little dollops of jam on teeny, tiny squares of cracker or toast or something. Hastings comes in and suggests he have a proper English breakfast, but Poirot says that sounds dreadful and he’s fine with his toast bites. He then starts bitching about English food. Fortuitously, Hastings then catches sight of a large advertisement for a new restaurant called the Jardin des Cygnes (Swans’ Garden) on Jermyn Street. The name gives Poirot pause—it’s familiar to him. Hastings suggests dinner for two, undoubtedly fueling quite a bit of slashfic, if there is such a thing out there for Poirot, and I’m willing to bet there is. I’m not, however, willing to check, because that sort of fanfic scares me. Poirot snaps that it’s time for work.

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Game of Thrones: And What Do We Say to Death?

Previously on Game of Thrones: Ned’s idiocy got him thrown into prison, which pissed off Robb, so he gathered a big ol’ army and started marching on the Lannisters. Up on The Wall, Jon proved his worth by saving Mormont from a zombie. Oh, and Drogo got a scratch on him in a fight that I’m sure will somehow wind up being fatal.

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Camelot: A Slow Death

Previously on Camelot: Morgan started secretly organizing raids throughout the kingdom to scare the people and make Arthur look weak, which totally worked, of course, because she’s the only one on this show who can really seem to plan properly and see her plans come to fruition. Less lucky in that area are Igraine and Merlin, who try to execute the stupidest idea ever—and that’s saying something on this show—and just get themselves captured and dragged back to Camelot by Morgan. But Arthur’s not there to deal with the issue, because he and the boys are up at Barden Pass, and when we left them, Arthur was defending the place all on his own.

At Barden, Morgan’s Lackey and his men sit around, getting riled up for the fight ahead. Meanwhile, the remainder of the Camelot Crew, plus Guen and Joe’s family, show up at the appointed meeting place, where of course they do not find Arthur waiting for them. He’s still inside the village at the Pass, waiting to surprise Lackey’s advance guard, which is just one guy, whom Arthur manages to overcome after a brief battle. So, Lackey sent a single guy to find out how many people were in this village? Really? That seems pretty stupid to me. Send at least a couple, in case they run into trouble, like this one did.

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Game of Thrones: Things Get Ugly

Previously on Game of Thrones: Ned confronted Cersei about her twincestuous ways and then ran about being suicidally stupid, putting his faith into people like Petyr, who ended up betraying him. Maybe. I feel like you can never tell with this show. In other news of dumbassary, the attempt on Daenerys’s life failed and just made Khal Drogo decide to invade Westros after all, and King Robert died from drunk hunting, putting Joffrey on the throne. Joy.

Arya’s having a fencing lesson, blithely unaware of the very real fighting going on a few floors below her. So I guess we’re staring immediately where we left off. Sansa and Septa are walking the halls, wondering where Arya is, when Septa hears the unmistakable sounds of battle and sends Sansa right back to her rooms. Sansa runs off, and Septa is almost immediately confronted by a bunch of guards with bloodied swords. In her lesson, Arya loses, and she’s a terribly sore loser.

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