The Borgias: Lovers and Enemies

Previously on The Borgias: Cesare and Micheletto went rogue and formed the Band of Badass, which managed to finally drive the French out of Italy while Alexander was busy praying for rain and screwing a duchess. Back in Rome, Lucrezia and Giulia joined forces with Vannozza to start getting some actual public works finished.

Churchtime! At St. Peter’s, a mass is underway, watched by Lucrezia, Giulia, and Vannozza. Lucrezia observes the crowd and likens the church to both a bank and a theater, noting that the greater the spectacle the more the penitents seem to pay into the offering plates. Giulia wonders if the cardinals can be made to see the light and Vannozza says they all have their secrets, they just have to find them. Oh, and they shall. I need to come up with a cool name for this trio of great ladies. Any suggestions?

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The Borgias: The Illusionist

Previously on The Borgias: Lucrezia’s sometime lover and babydaddy Paolo came to town and got to see her and the baby before Juan got pissed and killed him, disguising the death as a suicide.

Poor Paolo is still hanging in the square, attracting some attention, including that of Cesare, who tries to hustle his sister out of there. She notices the crowd, however, and then sees its cause and completely falls to pieces in her grief. So I guess we know what the gossip in the square’s going to be for the next week or so. Cesare finds a suicide note that Juan planted on the body, because he’s both a moron and an asshole. Moron because most people of Paolo’s class at the time (including Paolo, as we know) were illiterate and asshole because suicide was (and still is) taken very seriously by the Catholic church and meant you couldn’t have a Christian burial. It basically meant you were consigned to hell for all eternity. Juan, you are such a douche. None of us are going to be sorry to see you die in the season finale (sorry, historical spoiler!). Now, Lucrezia knows Paolo couldn’t read or write, so the note clues her in to the fact that something is seriously amiss here. She gets up and starts to move away from the body, but then faints. Cesare picks her up and carries her home, telling one of their guards to take care of the body.

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The Borgias: Rainmakers

Previously on The Borgias: Well, I actually missed almost all of last week’s episode, but from what I can gather, Cesare and Victor/Vittoria managed to fake out the entire French army with paper mâché cannon. And that’s pretty damn cool.

Alexander congratulates Cesare and Victor/Vittoria on their subterfuge, but Cesare doesn’t get to celebrate long: Micheletto appears and tells him the French came up by a road that took them past the convent where Ursula was living. The two men race there, but the place has been pretty much laid waste. The nuns have been slaughtered, and their bodies left underneath that recently completed ceiling fresco. Cesare moves past them until he finds Ursula at last and realizes her ear’s been cut off, as have those of many of the other nuns. And now Cesare’s really, really pissed. Man, I wished for an end to this subplot, but I didn’t want this for her. That sucks. Cesare vows vengeance on the French. Micheletto agrees with that because that’s the kind of thing he lives for, and he finds a French flag left carelessly nearby. Cesare tells Micheletto to start gathering up some stray condottieri that they can use to unleash some sweet, sweet asskicking on the French.

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Brother Borgia

He’s not English, but he’s heavily featured on this blog, so happy birthday, Cesare Borgia! One of the most ruthless and successful members of the Borgia family was born in Rome on September 13, 1475 (possibly. He may also have been born in April 1476). Cesare was the son (either the eldest or the second-born) of Carinal Rodrigo Borgia, who would become Pope Alexander VI. … Continue reading Brother Borgia

The Borgias: Sexy Time!

Previously on The Borgias: Lucrezia’s new crush messed with her husband’s saddle, so Sforza took a fall and has been laid up with a broken leg. Della Rovere continued to hop all over Italy, trying to ensure safe passage for a French army intent on taking over Naples. Cesare got a crush of his own, and obligingly killed the woman’s jerky husband. Alexander decided it was time for little Jofre to get married.

Pesaro Castle, home of Sforza and Lucrezia. Lucrezia’s attending her still bedridden husband, smearing a painful ointment on the wound on his leg, and being much sweeter about it than he deserves. Sforza realizes it too and thanks her, kind of, for taking such good care of him. He sort of apologizes for having been a dick too, and offers to overlook the “accident of [her] family name.” He also asks her to take his horse out for a ride, since he gets restless when he doesn’t get his exercise. She promises to do so.

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