Camelot: Waiting, Wishing, Watching

Previously on Camelot: Morgan hated her stepmom and dabbled in shape-shifting magic, while also quietly gathering supporters to her cause and scheming to take the throne.

Morgan floats at the bottom of her tub for a bit, looking briefly like Igraine again. As she gets up and starts to towel off, we see someone—a young man—observing her through a crack in the door. He doesn’t get any full-frontal action, but let’s just say her bottom could give Pippa Middleton’s a run for its money. He clearly, uh, appreciates what he’s seeing. A lot. Morgan gives some instructions to Vivien, then disappears from the young man’s line of sight. A moment later, she’s beside him, a knife to his throat, asking pleasantly if he’s enjoying the view. He sinks to his knees and tells her he loves her. He swears he’ll do anything for her. She tells him to follow her and takes him into the hall to introduce him to Sybil. His name’s Harwell, I think. He looks mighty uncomfortable to be talking to the nun. Morgan tells Sybil to get the man prepared and sends him away before confirming that everything is ready for Arthur’s impending visit. She orders Vivien to double salt the meat and make sure the ale’s strong, because she wants the boys thirsty and drunk.

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Camelot: Road Trip

Previously on Camelot: Arthur started spreading his influence and established a court of justice at Camelot. Morgan did pretty much the same thing at Magical Manse.

Guen dreams of her father telling her a story about Artemis asking her own father, Zeus, to allow her to remain single her whole life. She wakes with a smile as someone arrives with a message for her.

Meanwhile, the Camelot Crew is out planting flags everywhere. That’s how you know Arthur owns the place. It’s all about the clever use of flags. Merlin swings by and tells the boys to mount up, because they’re going on a road trip to Kay’s and Arthur’s childhood home, to fetch Sir Hector’s famous library. Apparently Camelot needs a library. You guys might want to look into a roof first. Kay’s not too excited to be going home, but he and Gawain and Leo join Merlin on his quest. Safety in numbers—maybe this time Merlin will manage not to kill anyone.

Back at Camelot, Arthur strides around giving orders to strip out the plants and repair the rooms and replace the roof (ah ha!) Guen’s cousin catches up with him and tells him that Guen’s taken off. Arthur finds the messenger who visited Guen that morning and learns that her father’s on his deathbed. Arthur grabs his horse and goes after her.

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Royal Honour

On April 23, 1348 (or 1344, depending on whom you ask), King Edward III founded the Order of the Garter, the oldest and most prestigious order of chivalry in the United Kingdom. According to legend, the king conceived of the idea of the Order during a tournament held at Windsor in 1344. The tournament was a particularly grand one, with knights from all over Europe … Continue reading Royal Honour

Game of Thrones: Winter is Coming

I’ll be honest with you: I haven’t read the novels this show is based on. Fantasy isn’t really my genre of choice; at most I’m a fantasy dilettante (I’ve read Harry Potter and watched the Lord of the Rings trilogy, but that’s pretty much it. I haven’t even seen Star Wars all the way through). So maybe it’s a bit odd that I’m recapping this, but I figured it’s got swords and horses and wimples and whatnot, so why not give it a go? Plus, it’s HBO, so I figured it would be good. Thankfully HBO was kind enough to provide plenty of supplementary info for those of us newbies, so hopefully I won’t make a complete idiot of myself here.

We start off with three men on horseback waiting for a gate to slooooowly rise. The one in front is all cropped hair and attitude—we’ll call him Snide in Charge (SIC). Behind him is a bearded veteran type—Bearded and Experienced (BAE), and the third man is skinny and nervous. Taking what happens to him soon into account, we’re going to go ahead and call him Scared Shitless (SS). The men ride through a tunnel, then emerge through another opening in the side of a snow-covered mountain. They split up when they hit the wintry woods and the camera follows SS. He spots something, dismounts, and crawls up to the top of a small bluff, which overlooks a horrifying spectacle of dismembered bodies set out in what looks like some kind of ritualistic circle. SS turns to flee and finds a little girl impaled on a tree behind him. Lovely!

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Camelot: Kickass

Previously on Camelot: Arthur proved he was a douchebag extraordinaire by sleeping with his buddy’s fiancée the day before her wedding, while said buddy was out recruiting Sir Gawain to fight for Arthur. Morgan had some fighty/flirty moments with Merlin, who warned her about the dangers of magic. She ignored him and seems to have found a way to (maybe) take control of Arthur’s body.

Camelot at dawn. While the others sleep, Arthur wanders around and finally settles down to sulk in the throne room, where the remnants of the wedding party are still evident, so I guess it’s just the next day. He finds a flower and picks it up contemplatively, then imagines Guen having sex with Leontes, her new husband. He bellows for one of the knights, and when the man comes running, tells him he wants everyone up and training. Oh, sure, now he’s suddenly interested in getting things done.

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Camelot: Sex on the Beach

Previously on Camelot: King Uther died, and his only legitimate child, Morgan, claimed the throne. Merlin, the sorcerer who doesn’t do magic, didn’t like that one bit, so he pulled Uther’s previously unknown illegitimate son, Arthur, out of obscurity and installed him in an artistic ruin known as Camelot. Although he’s fairly useless, Arthur did manage to pull a rigged sword out of the top of a waterfall, so he’s a legend now. Morgan, meanwhile, attempted an alliance with King Lot, who ended up getting himself killed, so she’s looking for a new angle now. Oh, and Arthur had a sex dream about Guinevere.

A group of horsemen sit on a bluff and discuss how few guards there are at the place they’re about to attack. The leader declares the place easy pickings and they gallop towards it.

Guinevere and her cousin, Bridget, kick around their bedroom and talk about Guen’s upcoming marriage to Leontes. Guen stresses about him not being “the one.” Ergh. Even by this show’s standards, that dialogue stuck out like a sore thumb. Did people really think about such things back then? I highly doubt it. Bridget tells Guen she’s just nervous and reminds her that young, good-looking, kickass guys are pretty thin on the ground these days. Plus, Guen’s mom always wanted her to marry the guy, so there’s that.

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Death of a King

On April 6, 1199, King Richard I of England, best known as “Richard the Lionhearted,” died of an arrow wound in France, leaving his brother, John, King of England. Richard received his fatal blow on March 25, when he was out checking the work of sappers undermining a castle he was besieging. He foolishly wasn’t wearing any chainmail, despite the fact that missiles were being … Continue reading Death of a King

A Right Royal Divorce

On March 21, 1152, four archbishops, acting with the pope’s approval, annuled the marriage between King Louis VII and Eleanor of Acquitaine, thus clearing the way for Eleanor to become one of England’s most notable queens. Louis and Eleanor married in 1137 and had two daughters together, neither of whom could inherit the French throne, due to Salic Law. Louis was desperate for a son … Continue reading A Right Royal Divorce