Camelot: A Slow Death

Previously on Camelot: Morgan started secretly organizing raids throughout the kingdom to scare the people and make Arthur look weak, which totally worked, of course, because she’s the only one on this show who can really seem to plan properly and see her plans come to fruition. Less lucky in that area are Igraine and Merlin, who try to execute the stupidest idea ever—and that’s saying something on this show—and just get themselves captured and dragged back to Camelot by Morgan. But Arthur’s not there to deal with the issue, because he and the boys are up at Barden Pass, and when we left them, Arthur was defending the place all on his own.

At Barden, Morgan’s Lackey and his men sit around, getting riled up for the fight ahead. Meanwhile, the remainder of the Camelot Crew, plus Guen and Joe’s family, show up at the appointed meeting place, where of course they do not find Arthur waiting for them. He’s still inside the village at the Pass, waiting to surprise Lackey’s advance guard, which is just one guy, whom Arthur manages to overcome after a brief battle. So, Lackey sent a single guy to find out how many people were in this village? Really? That seems pretty stupid to me. Send at least a couple, in case they run into trouble, like this one did.

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Camelot: Fallout

Previously on Camelot: Morgan took Igraine’s place in Camelot just long enough to tell Leontes his wife slept with Arthur, and to have some sexy time with Merlin, who, amazingly, didn’t realize he was being tricked. Finally, the real Igraine escaped from her prison at Magical Manse and ran back to Camelot, where she came face-to-face with…herself.

We start the show right where we left off. Igraine, naturally, freaks out considerably when she sees her exact double staring at her calmly, and she wonders if she’s going crazy. Now, Igraine, you know that magic exists in this world, so you didn’t think for a second that this might be some sort of trickery? I guess not, because she asks Morgraine what she is, and Morgraine tells her she’s Igraine’s damaged, dirty soul made manifest. Igraine freaks out some more and runs out of the room. A few minutes later, Morgan shifts back to her true form, grabs a horse, and rides back toward Magical Manse. And not a single person notes her presence in Camelot, or the fact that she’s making off with one of their horses. Once again, security in this place sucks.

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Camelot: Road Trip

Previously on Camelot: Arthur started spreading his influence and established a court of justice at Camelot. Morgan did pretty much the same thing at Magical Manse.

Guen dreams of her father telling her a story about Artemis asking her own father, Zeus, to allow her to remain single her whole life. She wakes with a smile as someone arrives with a message for her.

Meanwhile, the Camelot Crew is out planting flags everywhere. That’s how you know Arthur owns the place. It’s all about the clever use of flags. Merlin swings by and tells the boys to mount up, because they’re going on a road trip to Kay’s and Arthur’s childhood home, to fetch Sir Hector’s famous library. Apparently Camelot needs a library. You guys might want to look into a roof first. Kay’s not too excited to be going home, but he and Gawain and Leo join Merlin on his quest. Safety in numbers—maybe this time Merlin will manage not to kill anyone.

Back at Camelot, Arthur strides around giving orders to strip out the plants and repair the rooms and replace the roof (ah ha!) Guen’s cousin catches up with him and tells him that Guen’s taken off. Arthur finds the messenger who visited Guen that morning and learns that her father’s on his deathbed. Arthur grabs his horse and goes after her.

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Camelot: Justice

Previously on Camelot: Merlin set out to score Arthur a great sword, but made a huge mess of things and wound up killing a girl named Excalibur. The nun who taught Morgan shows up at Magical Manse just as Morgan’s starting to randomly turn into Igraine, and together they manage to get Morgan through a near death experience. Or maybe a real death experience, it wasn’t really all that clear.

Excalibur (the girl) is haunting Merlin’s dreams. Merlin’s apparently taken to hiding himself away, as Kay helpfully informs us as he, Arthur, and a few guards ride through the forest in the rain. As they ride along, we cut back and forth between them and two men having a knock-down, drag-out fight. Arthur, wimpy as always, suggests stopping until the rain ceases, but Kay sniffs at that and they keep going. Good thing, too, because a little further down the road a young girl runs out of the woods and waves for them to stop, because “he’s going to kill him.” Meanwhile, one of the guys in the fight gets the upper hand and bashes his opponent’s head in with a rock. A bunch of villagers show up just in time to see him deliver the killing blow, and they immediately start to string up the murderer, just as Arthur and his entourage gallop in. The girl addresses the killer as “father,” so it looks like things are about to get complicated.

Arthur orders the villagers to take the men down, and they comply, but the leader points out that the man is a murderer and they were dispensing justice. Arthur won’t hear this and asks what happened. The leader says they saw him kill leader’s brother. Arthur turns to the young girl and asks her what her name is. It’s Katelyn, and she begs Arthur not to allow the men to hang her father. Leader introduces himself as Euan, and he’s head man now his brother’s dead. Arthur tells them they’re all to present themselves at Camelot for a trial. Euan protests, but when Arthur tells him that’s the way it’s going to be, he folds like a cheap suit. To Camelot, then!

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Camelot: Kickass

Previously on Camelot: Arthur proved he was a douchebag extraordinaire by sleeping with his buddy’s fiancée the day before her wedding, while said buddy was out recruiting Sir Gawain to fight for Arthur. Morgan had some fighty/flirty moments with Merlin, who warned her about the dangers of magic. She ignored him and seems to have found a way to (maybe) take control of Arthur’s body.

Camelot at dawn. While the others sleep, Arthur wanders around and finally settles down to sulk in the throne room, where the remnants of the wedding party are still evident, so I guess it’s just the next day. He finds a flower and picks it up contemplatively, then imagines Guen having sex with Leontes, her new husband. He bellows for one of the knights, and when the man comes running, tells him he wants everyone up and training. Oh, sure, now he’s suddenly interested in getting things done.

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Camelot: Sex on the Beach

Previously on Camelot: King Uther died, and his only legitimate child, Morgan, claimed the throne. Merlin, the sorcerer who doesn’t do magic, didn’t like that one bit, so he pulled Uther’s previously unknown illegitimate son, Arthur, out of obscurity and installed him in an artistic ruin known as Camelot. Although he’s fairly useless, Arthur did manage to pull a rigged sword out of the top of a waterfall, so he’s a legend now. Morgan, meanwhile, attempted an alliance with King Lot, who ended up getting himself killed, so she’s looking for a new angle now. Oh, and Arthur had a sex dream about Guinevere.

A group of horsemen sit on a bluff and discuss how few guards there are at the place they’re about to attack. The leader declares the place easy pickings and they gallop towards it.

Guinevere and her cousin, Bridget, kick around their bedroom and talk about Guen’s upcoming marriage to Leontes. Guen stresses about him not being “the one.” Ergh. Even by this show’s standards, that dialogue stuck out like a sore thumb. Did people really think about such things back then? I highly doubt it. Bridget tells Guen she’s just nervous and reminds her that young, good-looking, kickass guys are pretty thin on the ground these days. Plus, Guen’s mom always wanted her to marry the guy, so there’s that.

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