Titanic: Part 4

Previously on Titanic: We were introduced to a whole slew of paper-thin characters and the ship hit the iceberg. Three times.

We back up yet again so we can visit the Wideners’ dinner party, where Georgiana is having a debate with Harry about how very stupid it is to do things just because that’s the way they’ve always been done. Yeah, she’s that character—rebellious rich girl. Not that we didn’t already know that, making this scene a bit pointless. Still, rules suck! Down with rules! She also mentions that Harry’s mom has invited them up to Newport while they’re in America. She suspects some matchmaking is at work and Harry acknowledges it, because he’s got a crush on Georgiana, for whatever reason. Probably because he likes ‘em feisty.

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Titanic: Parts 1-3

Ok, I’m just going to come out and say it: Julian Fellowes has to stop bragging about his own projects. Now, don’t get me wrong—I like him (or, rather, I’ve liked some of his work) but I think he’s getting a little high on himself post-Downton Abbey, and now he keeps talking about how his next project is going to be awesomer than anything that ever came before, and then it really doesn’t deliver. Case in point: I seem to recall reading about how Vera Bates was going to be this fascinating, complex character. Nothing could have been further from the truth. She was such a cartoon I’m surprised she didn’t start twirling a moustache. With his latest project, Titanic, he kept bragging about how this was going to be soooo much better than anything that came before. Certainly much better than the Cameron film (which, to be fair, is pretty to look at but awful to listen to) or a Night to Remember (which I took umbrage at, because that’s still my favorite Titanic film). Oh, no, these would pale in comparison with his work, which would be the only one to show all the different people on board. First: no it’s not. Not by a long shot. Second: it’s not good. At least, the bits I’ve seen aren’t. The characters are poorly drawn and even more poorly developed, and the storytelling technique—moving back and forth to tell the story from different people’s perspectives—is a bit confusing at times, unnecessarily repetitive, and makes certain characters just seem completely insane.

But don’t take my word for it. Let’s look at it together.

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Poirot: The Yellow Iris

A balding man with a moustache and Geraldine Somerville make their way across a graveyard and lay a bunch of yellow iris on the grave of a woman named Iris Russell, who died in 1934 aged 32. Geraldine (Pauline here) refers to the man as Barton and pleads with him about something mysterious. He tells her not to stop him, because he has to do “it.” She flatly tells him she’s afraid, and he tells her not to be. He shares it’s been two years since Iris dies and vows to help her rest in peace.

Poirot’s getting an OCD start to his morning, placing perfect little dollops of jam on teeny, tiny squares of cracker or toast or something. Hastings comes in and suggests he have a proper English breakfast, but Poirot says that sounds dreadful and he’s fine with his toast bites. He then starts bitching about English food. Fortuitously, Hastings then catches sight of a large advertisement for a new restaurant called the Jardin des Cygnes (Swans’ Garden) on Jermyn Street. The name gives Poirot pause—it’s familiar to him. Hastings suggests dinner for two, undoubtedly fueling quite a bit of slashfic, if there is such a thing out there for Poirot, and I’m willing to bet there is. I’m not, however, willing to check, because that sort of fanfic scares me. Poirot snaps that it’s time for work.

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Titanic: The Miniseries

Some time ago, I reported a rumor that Julian Fellowes was writing a miniseries based on the Titanic’s tragic maiden voyage. Turns out it was more than just a rumor: It’s been written, cast, and started shooting in Hungary. I was once on the fence about this miniseries, but I’m getting excited now. Once upon a time, I was a huge Titanic nerd. I knew … Continue reading Titanic: The Miniseries