Game of Thrones: Long Live the…Oh

game-of-thrones-season-4-episode-2-the-lion-and-the-rosePreviously on Game of Thrones: Joffrey went from being a little tick to being a completely out of control, sociopathic asshole, but Margaery was planning to marry him anyway. Theon was taken prisoner and tortured into a pile of mush, and apparently Bran can put himself into the minds of animals.

It’s a lovely day for a hunt, and Ramsay Snow is out in the woods, accompanied by Theon and some girl, hunting…some other girl. The poor creature evades the dogs for a while, which is impressive, but then gets cornered and receives an arrow courtesy of Ramsay’s girlfriend, who seems to be pretty well matched to him in the insanity department. Ramsay explains to their quarry that she made his girlfriend jealous, so now she has to go. And then he lets the dogs tear her apart. ‘Not so pretty now,’ his girlfriend observes, watching impassively. Jesus, what is it about Westros that breeds these people? Also: Theon’s an almost unrecognisable, twitching mess.

Continue reading “Game of Thrones: Long Live the…Oh”

Game of Thrones: Two Swords

Pedro-Pascal-and-Indira-Varma-in-Game-of-Thrones-season-4-episode-1Previously on Game of Thrones: All of seasons one, two, and three happened, but in a nutshell: Jon Snow went north of the Wall, where he became the inside man in a group of wildlings and went native with Ygritte before heading back to the Night’s Watch, with a few extra holes in him courtesy of his girlfriend’s arrows. Arya was taken hostage by The Hound, but they wound up becoming a pretty great pair. Another great unexpected pair was Jaime and Brienne, who found some common ground while being held hostage (during which Jaime lost his sword hand). Tywin Lannister took up his post of Hand of the King and immediately took control of Joffrey, married Tyrion to Sansa Stark, and betrothed Cersei to Loras, Joffrey’s future brother-in-law. Robb Stark and his mother were ruthlessly murdered at the Red Wedding, ostensibly ending the war, but Dany’s on the march with a massive army of former slaves and three dragons, so I think we can rest assured peace won’t reign in Westros for too long.

In a pre-credits sequence, we see Tywin take a huge sword, admire it for a bit, and hand it over to a smith, who breaks off the handle and melts the sword down. It’s Ned Stark’s former sword, Ice, and once it’s gone, Tywin throws a wolf pelt on the fire, just to extra drive home the point that the Starks are done.

Continue reading “Game of Thrones: Two Swords”

Game of Thrones: Welcome Home

Dany takes on yet another mother rolePreviously on Game of Thrones: Walder Frey put a pretty good dent in the remaining Stark family. Theon also got kidnapped and tortured a lot, and Bran and friends decided to go north of the Wall.

Continue reading “Game of Thrones: Welcome Home”

Game of Thrones: The Red Wedding

freyweddingPreviously on Game of Thrones: Robb agreed to marry his uncle Edmure to a Frey daughter, so the whole family’s off to a wedding. Also going to the wedding is Arya, in the hands of the Hound, who plans to ransom her back to her family. Jon Snow’s still wandering around with the Wildlings, and Dany’s planning to take over Yunkai with her Fabio-lite partner, Daario.

Continue reading “Game of Thrones: The Red Wedding”

Game of Thrones: Here Comes the Bride

Game-of-Thrones-S3E8-03Previously on Game of Thrones: Dany decided she wanted to free all the slaves in the next city in her path, Tyrion was forced into an engagement with Sansa, Gendry was handed over to Melisandre, and Arya found herself a hostage of the Hound.

Arya wakes, gets her bearings, and picks up a giant rock lying nearby before sneaking up on the sleeping Hound. She raises the rock above her head, ready to strike, but he wakes and tells her to go ahead and kill him, but if she fails to do so, he’ll break both her hands. She doesn’t kill him, and he doesn’t break her hands, by the look of it.

Continue reading “Game of Thrones: Here Comes the Bride”

Game of Thrones: BFFs

Game-of-Thrones-S3E7-02-e1368427519542Previously on Game of Thrones: Robb agreed to have his uncle Edmure marry one of the Frey girls, the Brotherhood without Banners handed Gendry over to Melisandre and let the Hound go, Sansa was forcibly engaged to Tyrion, and Jon Snow scaled the Wall.

Continue reading “Game of Thrones: BFFs”

Game of Thrones: The Climb

Game-of-Thrones-S3E6-03Previously on Game of Thrones: Robb decided he wanted to be friends with Walder Frey after all; Jon broke his vows…a few times, it seems; Jaime opened up to Brie; and Tywin sold out his own kids so he could outmaneuver the Tyrells.

Sam, Gillie, and the baby are gathered around a fire that Sam’s doing a poor job of tending. Gillie gives him some pointers and the flames leap up. She asks about his past, sounding rather impressed to learn he’s highborn, and he shows off an obsidian blade or spearhead he found up north. She asks him about the Wall and he tells her all about the nice venison stew and the fire kept burning in the hall every day and the men who sing. She asks him to sing something for her and he obliges, of course, singing a cute tune to the baby. Awww.

Continue reading “Game of Thrones: The Climb”

Game of Thrones: A Name that Gives You Pride

cersei1-300x225Previously on Game of Thrones: Women all over Westros started putting their feet down, but none quite as much as Dany, who burned down Astapor and set off with her enormous new army.

New location: Yunkai.

Time for the Hound’s trial by combat. His captors pray to the Lord of Light first and parrot that ‘The night is dark and full of terrors’ line of Melisandre’s. Eyepatch begins by somehow lighting his sword on fire with his blood, by the look of it, which freaks out the Hound, who we already know fears fire like nothing else. That’s cheating, Eyepatch. Still, the Hound fights valiantly enough. Onlookers scatter as they slash and slice at each other. Hound’s shield catches on fire, and everyone starts to chant ‘Guilty! Guilty!’ Arya screams for Eyepatch to kill him, but Hound gets the last slash and takes off Eyepatch’s arm. One of the other men throws himself on Eyepatch and begs for the Lord of Light to bring him back. Arya grabs a knife and goes to finish the job herself, but she’s dragged back by one of the others. Hound unwisely taunts her, saying the gods clearly like him more than the butcher’s boy. Arya screams for him to burn in hell, and Eyepatch, suddenly very much alive and all healed up, says he will someday, but not today.

Continue reading “Game of Thrones: A Name that Gives You Pride”

Game of Thrones: Girl Power

game-of-thrones-season-3Previously on Game of Thrones: Margaery started winning over Joffrey and the people of King’s Landing; Theon was released from his tormentors, almost recaptured, and then rescued again; Jaime found himself one hand shorter; and Daenerys bartered one of her dragons for a massive army.

No new locales in the credits this week. Thank God, because it’s hard enough to remember all the ones we already have.

Continue reading “Game of Thrones: Girl Power”

Game of Thrones: The One With All the Rape

game_of_thrones episode 3Previously on Game of Thrones: Arya and Gendry, Theon, and Jaime and Bree all got (re)captured. Bran made some new friends, and Cate received word of her father’s death.

New locale in the credits: Riverrun, so I guess the Stark entourage is going to be showing up there at some point this episode.

Continue reading “Game of Thrones: The One With All the Rape”