Previously on Game of Thrones: Joffrey went from being a little tick to being a completely out of control, sociopathic asshole, but Margaery was planning to marry him anyway. Theon was taken prisoner and tortured into a pile of mush, and apparently Bran can put himself into the minds of animals.

It’s a lovely day for a hunt, and Ramsay Snow is out in the woods, accompanied by Theon and some girl, hunting…some other girl. The poor creature evades the dogs for a while, which is impressive, but then gets cornered and receives an arrow courtesy of Ramsay’s girlfriend, who seems to be pretty well matched to him in the insanity department. Ramsay explains to their quarry that she made his girlfriend jealous, so now she has to go. And then he lets the dogs tear her apart. ‘Not so pretty now,’ his girlfriend observes, watching impassively. Jesus, what is it about Westros that breeds these people? Also: Theon’s an almost unrecognisable, twitching mess.

Continue reading “Game of Thrones: Long Live the…Oh”

Previously on Game of Thrones: All of seasons one, two, and three happened, but in a nutshell: Jon Snow went north of the Wall, where he became the inside man in a group of wildlings and went native with Ygritte before heading back to the Night’s Watch, with a few extra holes in him courtesy of his girlfriend’s arrows. Arya was taken hostage by The Hound, but they wound up becoming a pretty great pair. Another great unexpected pair was Jaime and Brienne, who found some common ground while being held hostage (during which Jaime lost his sword hand). Tywin Lannister took up his post of Hand of the King and immediately took control of Joffrey, married Tyrion to Sansa Stark, and betrothed Cersei to Loras, Joffrey’s future brother-in-law. Robb Stark and his mother were ruthlessly murdered at the Red Wedding, ostensibly ending the war, but Dany’s on the march with a massive army of former slaves and three dragons, so I think we can rest assured peace won’t reign in Westros for too long.

In a pre-credits sequence, we see Tywin take a huge sword, admire it for a bit, and hand it over to a smith, who breaks off the handle and melts the sword down. It’s Ned Stark’s former sword, Ice, and once it’s gone, Tywin throws a wolf pelt on the fire, just to extra drive home the point that the Starks are done.

Continue reading “Game of Thrones: Two Swords”