Golden Armchair Awards 2016: The People

 

The holidays are approaching, 2016 is (finally!) drawing to a close, and that means it’s time to look back and smile or shake our heads at all that happened this year in the world of costume dramas. First: let’s vote on the characters we loved, hated, and will miss.

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Game of Thrones: The Winds of Winter

476290-game-of-thrones-season-6-episode-10-dragonsPreviously on Game of Thrones: The date of Cersei’s and Loras’s trials were set, Dany got herself a fleet, and Jon retook Winterfell.

Last episode of the season, folks! In previous years this has tended to be a quiet episode, but this year the powers that be decided to go a little off script and do something exciting. And thank God for that, because most of the rest of the season was a bit draggy, don’t you think?

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Game of Thrones: Battle of the Bastards

gameofthrones1-large_trans++piVx42joSuAkZ0bE9ijUnGH28ZiNHzwg9svuZLxrn1UPreviously on Game of Thrones: Meereen came under attack and Jon rallied his (very small) forces and started heading for Winterfell.

Things aren’t looking so good in Meereen. The city’s being blasted by fireballs catapulted from all those ships in the bay. Dany’s plan is to go fully nuclear, grab her dragons and burn the other cities in Slavers’ Bay to the ground. Tyrion reminds her that that same strategy is basically what got her father stabbed in the back and suggests they try at least a little diplomacy.

Some of the masters, along with one random guy who I guess is connected with their military, are summoned to the Great Pyramid for peace negotiations. They think Dany’s about to surrender, but that’s because they’re idiots who have, apparently, forgotten she has dragons and isn’t afraid to use them. And she also has a massive Dothraki army that is, even now, descending on some Sons of the Harpy who are down on the beach slaughtering people who are on the beach in the middle of a battle for no reason whatsoever. While the Harpies are being taken care of, Dany hops on board Drogon and burns a few of the masters’ ships. They quickly capitulate and get their throats slashed by Grey Worm. The one non-master is left alive to spread the story of how this all went down. Also, Tyrion politely thanks them for the new armada.

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Game of Thrones: No One

Tyrion sees Varys off on a mission in episode 8 of season 6 of Game of thronesPreviously on Game of Thrones: Arya got gut stabbed by the Waif, Jamie besieged Riverrun, and the Hound is alive and out for some revenge.

Lady Crane is onstage, giving a standout performance that brings the audience to tears. The applause and cheers are plentiful, and she bows and retreats backstage, where she hears a noise. Understandably wary, she goes to investigate and finds Arya on her bed, holding her wounded belly.

Lady Crane tends to her, bandaging her wounds (a skill she picked up after having inflicted a few herself, on unreliable lovers). We learn that the actress who went after Lady Crane is no longer with the company, and Lady C messed her face up pretty good, so she’s probably not going to be acting again anywhere soon. Lady C offers Arya a job with the company, now they’re down an actress, but Arya declines, choosing instead to explore the world.

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Game of Thrones: The Broken Man

Sandor Clegane, aka The HoundPreviously on Game of Thrones: Sansa and Jon left Castle Black to start recruiting Northern families to their army; Jaime got kicked out of the Kingsguard and sent to re-take Riverrun, which is also about to be beset by Freys; Arya ditched the Faceless Men; and Margaery was released after apparently becoming SUPER devout.

Hey! Pre-credits sequence! Have we had one of those before? Some guys are building something out in the middle of nowhere. It’s rough still, but it’s going to be a sept. Ooh! Ian McShane! He appears to be the man in charge, urging the others on and looking up proudly at the rising building. Men carry heavy logs toward the building site; one of them is able to carry one of the huge logs all by himself because he’s…The Hound! All sorts of resurrections this season.

Speaking of resurrections, let’s welcome Riverrun back to the opening credits.

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Game of Thrones: Blood of My Blood

Benjen Stark in Game of ThronesPreviously on Game of Thrones: Because Bran’s a bit of an idiot, the Night King was able to find their hideaway and attack with his White Walker army, killing Hodor, who managed to hold the zombie hoard back just long enough for Bran and Meera to escape. Dany took over the Dothraki, Arya was given one more assignment for the Faceless Men, and Jaime and Cersei convinced the Tyrells that the only way forward was to bring an army into King’s Landing.

Meera staggers through the snow, dragging Bran, who’s still all warg-ed out. Jesus, Bran, WAKE UP! Not that he could do much, but this is starting to seem a bit indulgent. He’s having strange flashes of visions: the Night King turning that baby into a Walker, wildfire being set off, the mad king calling for everyone to be burned.

Meera can’t keep going, though she gives it a really good try. Bran finally returns to the here and now and tells Meera that they’ve been found. She weeps and apologises as the first of the Walkers descend.

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Game of Thrones: The Door

Larson-GameofThronesThedoor-1200Previously on Game of Thrones: Sansa convinced Jon to retake Winterfell, Dany took over the Dothraki, Tyrion started playing ball with the other slave states in order to undercut the Sons of the Harpy, and Bran took a trip through his family history.

Sansa receives a message from Petyr, asking her for a meeting in Mole’s Town. She goes, sensibly taking Brienne with her, but man, is the meek and weak little girl he knew before gone. Petyr tells her he’s brought the Knights of the Vale to help her. Sansa wonders where the hell that help was when Ramsay was torturing her. She coldly orders him to guess what sorts of horrible things Ramsay did to her. Petyr doesn’t know what to say, but when Brienne puts a hand to her sword and orders him to answer, he hazards a few guesses. He insists he didn’t know about Ramsay, which is bullshit—there’s no way someone as well-informed as Petyr didn’t know about that sadist. Ramsay was notorious for his proclivities. Petyr apologises and promises to go back to protecting her, but Sansa doesn’t believe he can or will. He offers to do whatever she wants, even unto his death. She orders him to leave and take his knights with him, because she and Jon will take the North on their own and she doesn’t want anything to do with him. Before he goes, Petyr gives her one bit of news: her uncle Brynden has retaken Riverrun, so they could have some valuable support there.

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Game of Thrones: And What Do We Say to Death?

Previously on Game of Thrones: Ned’s idiocy got him thrown into prison, which pissed off Robb, so he gathered a big ol’ army and started marching on the Lannisters. Up on The Wall, Jon proved his worth by saving Mormont from a zombie. Oh, and Drogo got a scratch on him in a fight that I’m sure will somehow wind up being fatal.

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