Parade’s End: Misery Loves Company

We open in a fancy room strewn with white flowers and assorted pretty girly things. A maid’s fussing about with a suitcase while her mistress goes to answer a ringing telephone in the bedroom. The mistress answers the phone and, in French, tells the person on the other end to tell the gentleman he’s too late. With that, she hangs up. She’s played by Rebecca Hall, and I have to admit, I’ve never been a big fan of hers. I think that’s more because of the roles she tends to play than her acting ability, though. I spent all of Vicky Christina Barcelona wanting desperately to punch her in the face.

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Downton Abbey: The Prodigal Son

Previously on Downton Abbey: Matthew and William were wounded and returned home to Downton Abbey. William came back to marry Daisy and die a few hours later, which made me sad, and Matthew found out he’s probably going to spend his life in a wheelchair. He also won’t be able to have kids, so he cuts Lavinia loose, despite her pleas to stay with him. Mary’s only too happy to step into Lavinia’s place as Matthew’s caretaker, even though she’s now officially engaged to Carlisle.

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Poirot: The Case of the Missing Will

It’s New Year’s Eve, and a gathering of middle-aged friends is counting down the last few seconds to 1926. They toast the New Year as three children—two boys and a girl—watch secretly from above. The host—Andrew—thanks his friends for being there and reveals he’s pretty darn rich, thanks to his incredible luck of having happened to buy a farm on top of a copper seam. His lawyer takes the moment to announce that Andrew’s drawn up a will that heavily favors a local medical foundation of which another guest—Dr. Pritchard—is chairman. Pritchard promises to use the money well. Two bequests are left to the young boys upstairs—Robert Siddaway and Peter Baker. Their mothers thank Andrew, but another guest points out that Andrew’s left nothing to his ward, young Violet. Andrew shrugs that she’s a girl, so she’ll get married and doesn’t need money. Yes, marriages come cheap, you know. His lady guest is disgusted.

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John Adams: Peacefield

Previously on John Adams: John got to be president, which ended up being an exhausting, endless fight, so he more or less willingly handed the position off to Jefferson and headed home, a private citizen once more.

It’s 1803, and John’s at his bucolic home, Peacefield. Dr. Rush arrives and is happily greeted by John, who thanks him for coming as he shows him upstairs to Nabby’s room. Seems the daughter of the house is having a health crisis. Rush sits down with his new patient and John and Abigail excuse themselves, closing the door behind them. Once they’re alone, Rush asks Nabby to tell him what’s bothering her. She informs him she feels a lump in one breast that pains her. Oh, dear God. Early 19th century breast cancer?! Yikes!

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Poirot: How Does Your Garden Grow?

Ahh, springtime. When a young man’s fancy turns to thoughts of love, and other people’s fancies turn to thoughts of murder. At least, that’s how it is in this case.

We start off with a good closeup of the Soviet flag, flying over the Soviet embassy in London, presumably. A woman in a totally covetable gray coat strides purposefully inside and meets one of the officials, whose office is primarily decorated by a HUGE portrait of Stalin. She doesn’t get to admire the décor, because he comes downstairs to meet her in the hall, where they have an exchange in Russian that, unhelpfully, is not subtitled, so it’s anyone’s guess what they’re talking about. He sounds annoyed (though I’ll admit, Russian always sounds annoyed or angry to me), and she seems to be pleading. That’s all I’ve got. At the end, they exchange smiles, and she hands him an envelope. As he heads back to his office, he opens it and pulls out a ticket to the Chelsea Flower show that, for some reason, has WTF stamped across it in big, red letters. I know it didn’t meant the same thing back then as it does now, but I still laughed when I saw that.

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Game of Thrones: And What Do We Say to Death?

Previously on Game of Thrones: Ned’s idiocy got him thrown into prison, which pissed off Robb, so he gathered a big ol’ army and started marching on the Lannisters. Up on The Wall, Jon proved his worth by saving Mormont from a zombie. Oh, and Drogo got a scratch on him in a fight that I’m sure will somehow wind up being fatal.

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Camelot: The Hunt

Previously on Camelot: Morgan found out that everyone at Camelot confides in Igraine, so she shape shifted, took her prisoner at Magical Manse, and took her place in Camelot.

We start off tonight with some gratuitous nudity. At Camelot, Morgraine luxuriates in her bath, lovingly sponging her breasts, while at Magical Manse, the real Igraine is more roughly rubbed down by Sybil, who refuses to tell her why they’re keeping her prisoner. Morgraine dresses herself in her extremely luxuriously appointed room. Seriously—what’s up with that place? Isn’t Camelot still a roofless wreck? Where’d the big canopy bed and all the rich drapes and things come from? She practices saying “good morning” in the mirror for a while, then Merlin pokes his head in with breakfast.

Magical Manse. Vivien asks Sybil if she should wake Morgan. Hang on—wasn’t she in on the little ritual they did last week when Morgan shape shifted into Igraine? Did that happen later? Why was Vivien suddenly kept on the outside?

Sybil asks Vivien how loyal she is to Morgan, and Vivien promises she’s totally loyal, Team Morgan all the way! So Sybil tells her Morgan’s at Camelot.

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Game of Thrones: Bloody Hell

Previously on Game of Thrones: Ned and the others arrived in King’s Landing and discovered that the place is a hotbed of lies and spies (I know, I was shocked too!). Up on The Wall, Jon took a pudgy new recruit under his wing, and in Dothrakiland Daenerys finally gave her brother the bitch slap he’s been begging for.

Ned finally makes his way to his own tournament, where dead Hugh is being cleaned up and stitched up for burial. Ned observes that young Hugh was wearing brand new armor, and he wonders how a kid who was just a squire until recently could afford new armor. Like me, he thinks this death is mighty suspicious. He chats a bit with Ser Barrister, who tells him Robert wants to join the joust.

Ned next goes to the king’s tent, where that poor young Lannister lad’s trying to squeeze fat Robert into armor that just won’t fit. Robert barks at the kid to go find the breastplate stretcher, which doesn’t exist, but the kid scuttles off anyway, probably happy for an excuse to leave. Ned and the king tease each other a bit, and then Ned tells him not to joust, because everyone would just let him win. Well, maybe this would be a good way to avoid more bloodshed, then. Robert puts up a bit of a fight but ultimately agrees not to ride.

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The Borgias: War is Hell

Previously on The Borgias: The French rolled in and totally trashed Lucca, which made the rest of Italy basically wet itself. Giulia paid a visit to Lucrezia and found out dear Lu is pregnant, and the kid’s not Sforza’s.

In the middle of the night, Giulia steals out to the stables, where she gently wakes Paolo. She asks if he’s “the one” and he readily admits to it. She tells him he’s not to say the same to anyone else, or she’ll see him hanged. He understands. Giulia orders him to prepare two horses for the ladies, so they can leave at dawn.

Alexander’s getting dressed and telling Cesare that he had a nightmare that everyone had abandoned them, and he found himself dressed as a peasant as the French army swarmed through Rome. He tells Cesare to summon the Spanish ambassador, because he and Alexander need to have a talk.

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Camelot: Waiting, Wishing, Watching

Previously on Camelot: Morgan hated her stepmom and dabbled in shape-shifting magic, while also quietly gathering supporters to her cause and scheming to take the throne.

Morgan floats at the bottom of her tub for a bit, looking briefly like Igraine again. As she gets up and starts to towel off, we see someone—a young man—observing her through a crack in the door. He doesn’t get any full-frontal action, but let’s just say her bottom could give Pippa Middleton’s a run for its money. He clearly, uh, appreciates what he’s seeing. A lot. Morgan gives some instructions to Vivien, then disappears from the young man’s line of sight. A moment later, she’s beside him, a knife to his throat, asking pleasantly if he’s enjoying the view. He sinks to his knees and tells her he loves her. He swears he’ll do anything for her. She tells him to follow her and takes him into the hall to introduce him to Sybil. His name’s Harwell, I think. He looks mighty uncomfortable to be talking to the nun. Morgan tells Sybil to get the man prepared and sends him away before confirming that everything is ready for Arthur’s impending visit. She orders Vivien to double salt the meat and make sure the ale’s strong, because she wants the boys thirsty and drunk.

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