Game of Thrones: Battle of the Bastards

gameofthrones1-large_trans++piVx42joSuAkZ0bE9ijUnGH28ZiNHzwg9svuZLxrn1UPreviously on Game of Thrones: Meereen came under attack and Jon rallied his (very small) forces and started heading for Winterfell.

Things aren’t looking so good in Meereen. The city’s being blasted by fireballs catapulted from all those ships in the bay. Dany’s plan is to go fully nuclear, grab her dragons and burn the other cities in Slavers’ Bay to the ground. Tyrion reminds her that that same strategy is basically what got her father stabbed in the back and suggests they try at least a little diplomacy.

Some of the masters, along with one random guy who I guess is connected with their military, are summoned to the Great Pyramid for peace negotiations. They think Dany’s about to surrender, but that’s because they’re idiots who have, apparently, forgotten she has dragons and isn’t afraid to use them. And she also has a massive Dothraki army that is, even now, descending on some Sons of the Harpy who are down on the beach slaughtering people who are on the beach in the middle of a battle for no reason whatsoever. While the Harpies are being taken care of, Dany hops on board Drogon and burns a few of the masters’ ships. They quickly capitulate and get their throats slashed by Grey Worm. The one non-master is left alive to spread the story of how this all went down. Also, Tyrion politely thanks them for the new armada.

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Trivia Thursday: Hot Time in the Old Town

This Week’s Question: The Great Fire of London started on 2 September 1666 and went on to consume much of the city. Where did it begin? Last Week’s Question: Which weapon’s superiority over the crossbow was proven at the Battle of Crecy in 1346? Answer: The English longbow proved its military supremacy at the battle, which was fought as part of the Hundred Years’ War. The … Continue reading Trivia Thursday: Hot Time in the Old Town

Game of Thrones: The Watchers on the Wall

game-of-thrones-season-4-episode-9-the-watchers-on-the-wall-wildlings-hboPreviously on Game of Thrones: Jon Snow kept warning everyone at Castle Black that a massive army of Wildlings was on its way, but nobody, particularly those in charge, seemed to care. Elsewhere, a massive army of Wildlings made its way towards Castle Black.

Jon and Sam are doing their punishment watch late at night. Sam asks Jon what sex is like, and though Jon’s a bit coy to begin with, he finally tries to tell his poor, virginal buddy that it’s both great and transformative. Sam points out that their Night’s Watch vows don’t explicitly forbid sex, apparently that’s just the tradition, or something. They chat about the impending battle, which Sam isn’t too stressed about, because he figures death is less horrible than losing Gillie. Jon sends him below to get some sleep while he takes the watch.

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Game of Thrones: Battle Royale

Previously on Game of Thrones: Everyone with a title and a tenuous claim made a grab for the Iron Throne—or some throne, with Stannis Baratheon coming out nearest the top and heading to King’s Landing to make his claim more official.

Apparently this is the episode the book fans have been waiting for: our big battle, and it’s so important George R. R. Martin himself wrote the teleplay and the showrunners had to ask HBO for more money. They got it; let’s see if they put it to good use.

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The Borgias: Vanities

Previously on The Borgias: Della Rovere got a dangerous protégé. Cesare got played by Catarina Sforza, but at least he managed to kill Lucrezia’s hateful ex-husband. Speaking of Lucrezia, she’s on the marriage market again, and she’s not at all happy about it.

Juan’s back and actually riding his horse through the halls of the Vatican, as if his douchebag status wasn’t sufficiently on show on a daily basis anyway. He’s presented to his father with a round of applause, like he’s done anything worthwhile lately, and presents a couple of gifts: a box for Alexander and a panther in a cage for Lucrezia. She approaches the cage curiously, but when it roars at her she wisely hands the baby off to her maid. Juan’s also brought a genuine conquistador—Don Hernando. Alexander opens his box and finds…turds. Juan explains that they’re actually cigars, an exotic new treat. While they’re discussing impending throat cancer, the panther roars again and Lucrezia cries that it bit her. Well, yeah, Lucrezia, it’s a wild animal. There’s a reason it’s in a cage. I thought she was smarter than that.

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Farewell to All That

On January 7, 1558, England lost its last remaining possession on the continent when the French retook Calais. Calais was an important little spot to the English, since it served as a toehold on the mainland and a trading center for English wool that allowed English merchants to bypass the markets in the low countries (present day Netherlands). When the French tried to meddle in … Continue reading Farewell to All That

The War of Jenkins’ Ear

If you’re going to have a war, you may as well name it something interesting and memorable, right? On October 23, 1739, the awesomely named War of Jenkins’ Ear began when Britain declared war on Spain, despite Prime Minister Robert Walpole’s reservations. The unusual name wasn’t made official until more than 100 years after the conflict. It refers to an incident in 1731, when the … Continue reading The War of Jenkins’ Ear

The Conquerors

This is a big day for battles. On October 14, 1066, William the Conqueror and his Norman army defeated King Harold II’s exhausted troops, essentially beginning the Norman Conquest of England. The Battle of Hastings—which was actually fought a good six miles northwest of Hastings at Senlac Hill, capped off a pretty chaotic year in England. Edward the Confessor died in January, and his throne … Continue reading The Conquerors

The Battle of Stamford Bridge

On September 25, 1066, the Viking Age came to an end in England with the defeat of the Norwegian army at the Battle of Stamford Bridge. 1066 was a pretty lousy year to be living in England. King Edward the Confessor’s death in January triggered a succession crisis that brought contenders from all over Europe to fight for the throne. The King of Norway, Harald … Continue reading The Battle of Stamford Bridge