Jamestown: What Sort of Friends Have We?

I’m a little worried, guys. The stupid in this colony seems to be catching.

We begin in the dead of night. Nearly everyone’s asleep, save Meredith, who stumbles beyond the town’s walls to relieve himself. And to then pass out. I think it’s safe to say, this man is now asleep in a pool of his own urine.

While he’s a-snooze, a group of natives from the local tribe run through the town, which they’re able to do because–get this–although Jamestown has a wall around it, it doesn’t have a gate or any kind of watch. WTF are those walls for? Decoration? And what exactly is the marshal’s job, if not to protect the town from the natives everyone’s so paranoid about? Apparently all he’s meant to do is walk around glaring at Samuel and pouting about these annoying wimminfolk.

What are the natives even doing? No idea. There’s some talk later that maybe they’re there to steal hoes or something, but since nothing is actually taken, I choose to believe this was a very poorly plotted nighttime 10K or something.

Discount Blake Lively, showing no sense of self-preservation, as usual, heads out beyond the useless town walls in the dead of night to look for the husband she couldn’t care less about, and comes face-to-face with one of the natives. She, naturally, starts screaming her head off, and the native man Just. Stands. There. I get to use this gif again:

There is nothing keeping him there, and yet he literally just stands there waiting to be captured. He has minutes in which to make his escape. See what I mean by the stupid being contagious?

Naturally, he is caught and thrown into the town’s jail cell. He’s so chill about the whole thing I kept wondering if he got caught deliberately, but that doesn’t seem to be the case. He doesn’t even seem all that bothered when they threaten to chop off his hands. Redwick, of course, is all: ‘Kill the beast!’ while the governor is more like, ‘maybe not the best plan? We do have to live with these people, after all.’ Mostly the governor wants to know how this particular native got his hands on a gun which apparently once belonged to Massenger.

Massenger claims it was stolen from him several weeks ago, and quickly begins pointing the finger at Silas, because Silas continues to be difficult about just handing over land to Massenger. Jesus, Massenger, give it up. You have enough land, don’t you? And didn’t the governor make it against the rules or whatever to dispose of any land gifted in this way? Massenger’s been trying to convince Silas to trade 50 acres for some men to help work the remaining 550, and though Silas considers it, Alice convinces him that, if he gives Massenger an inch, he’ll take 550 miles. Also, Silas seems to have little sense about planning for the future: Massenger points out that Silas can’t work all this land by himself, and Silas pretty much says, ‘OMG, you’re right. I’d better hand over a chunk of it because surely I will never be able to hire anyone in the future to expand the crops!’ And yes, Silas can’t farm the whole plot himself this year, but he can farm part of it, and get in a crop, and get in a crop next year (hopefully) and over time build up some money to the point where he can afford to hire people to help him, and expand that way. Also, there’s always the possibility that he and Alice might have children who can pitch in, and his younger brother might have children who can pitch it… See how that works, Silas?

Again, the stupid.

And it seems like Henry might be back soon to help them out, because he’s making a good recovery in the native village where he washed up. While there, he finds a former Jamestown inhabitant: Davey McDurran, who abandoned the settlement years ago and was given up for dead. He was adopted by the tribe and has been living there ever since. I think it’s safe to say Henry won’t be following the same path.

Back in Jamestown, it just so happens that Silas is the only person in the settlement who can speak the natives’ language. Really? How? How did he learn it? Why didn’t anyone else? This makes very little sense. But it does make it easy for Massenger to make him look guilty of selling the weapon. Evidence: Silas worked on Massenger’s land and could have easily stolen it; Silas and Henry then embarked on a mysterious journey up the river which everyone thought was a bit strange and which Silas himself can’t really explain. Massenger insists Silas and Henry went to go sell weapons to the natives, which is definitely a no-no, so Silas is locked up.

Samuel and Christopher debate what the next steps are likely to be, and Jocelyn rolls her eyes and suggests they all just hand the warrior back to his people, thus showing that the settlers mean no harm and want to live in harmony. They’re all, ‘You’re a GENIUS’ and Samuel sells the governor on the plan.

Unfortunately, this REALLY pisses of Redwick, who apparently wants to go to war with EVERY TRIBE IN VIRGINIA for reasons that are never sufficiently explained and therefore make no sense whatsoever. It seems like Redwick wants to have an excuse to turn Jamestown back into an armed garrison, which…why? Garrisons tend to be really poor at feeding themselves. Maybe you should focus a bit more on protecting the town from the nocturnal men’s jogging club, Redwick.

Redwick and Farlow threaten Samuel with castration, and then come up with a plan B that basically boils down to: make it look like the prisoner is trying to steal weapons again while we’re on our trip out to return him. Then, shoot him, and incite a bloodbath between his enraged tribe and our little band. Seems sound!

Samuel, scared, tells Jocelyn he will not be accompanying the governor on the prisoner return, which she thinks will harm his career. She goes to Christopher and asks him to intercede, but Christopher nonsensically tells her no, because if he says yes to her this once, he’ll have to say yes to every single thing she asks him for the rest of their lives. Uh, no, Chris. Just because someone says yes once or even twice or three times does not mean they have to say it to EVERYTHING EVERY time. That’s not how things work.

So Jocelyn goes right to the governor and it takes her all of two seconds to convince him to insist Samuel come along on the trip. Should’ve just done that from the get-go, Joss. She then flirts with him a bit, RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIS WIFE and acts like a condescending bitch to said wife, who then sits down to write a letter home, digging into Jocelyn’s sordid history.

Samuel is, understandably, upset with his wife for butting in, but he has no choice but to accompany the governor on the return. The first night they’re gone, Jocelyn sends Mercy to fetch Christopher to her, but he comes to her place independently. She spouts some weirdness about wanting to dance with him, and they touch hands, and I guess it’s supposed to be hot, but I’m not really feeling it. Chris pulls away, and then tells Jocelyn that this prisoner return is going to be viewed as a weakness and a failure and Samuel is very likely to get killed over it. Thanks, Chris, this would have been really valuable information BACK WHEN JOCELYN FIRST PROPOSED IT. Instead, you told her what a great idea it was! Or maybe, instead of all this stupid, ‘I can’t say yes, or I’ll never say no,’ nonsense, you could have made this point instead. God. There is no sense here!

Meanwhile, Silas is rotting in the cell, having completely given up, while Alice tries to figure out what to do here. She leans on James Read, the poor guy, because she’s convinced, on no evidence whatever, that he knows something. She keeps going back to him and finally guilts him into admitting that someone else who worked for Massenger and was treated really horribly by him disappeared unexpectedly around the time the gun went missing, so it’s safe to assume he had something to do with the theft. She accuses him of not coming forward out of spite, but he incredulously points out that Massenger’s a powerful man in these parts, that he has powerful friends, and Read really wants to stay alive and continue to have a thriving business. Also, Alice has no clue how things work in Jamestown yet. Though, in her defense, it’s hard to figure out how a place works that doesn’t follow any logic whatsoever.

Read apparently saw Massenger burying this guy (!!) but won’t tell Alice where, so she just starts randomly digging holes around the edges of Massenger’s land, determined to find that body…somehow. Massenger gets spooked and drops the charges against Silas, on the condition Alice stops digging. She’s totally fine with this man getting away with murder, because she gets Silas back. And she doesn’t thank Read or anything. Alice and Silas are both pretty gross people.

On the way to the natives’ village, the party stops for the night. Redwick and Farlow agree (out loud, in the hearing of anyone who might be awake, including the prisoner) to take the prisoner into the woods and shoot him in the back. Oh, yeah, good luck selling the whole ‘he was trying to steal from us again’ story if that’s how you’re going to play this.

Of course, when they go to grab him, he fights back and runs off into the night, because at last he’s managed to find some sense.

The governor, nonsensically, decides to press on with this journey, even though they no longer have a prisoner to hand back. And even though that prisoner is likely to tell his tribe that two of the men on the governor’s team planned to kill him. Also, they’ve apparently gone on this excursion without an interpreter, which seems kind of stupid too.

Luckily, the tribe has an interpreter of their own. But their chief is not exactly delighted with these Europeans. He points out that, when they first arrived, they said they’d only be there for a little while. The governor, I kid you not, actually responds, ‘yes, but that’s before we realised how amazing the land is!’ Although you’d figure that any land capable of sustaining all the sizable tribes that were namedropped earlier in the episode would be good land, right? So… yeah, the Stupid. So prevalent now it’s actually another character on the show.

The chief goes on to say that these Europeans clearly aren’t going anywhere, and now they’ve brought women over, they’re just going to spread, like a disease, and he’s not interested in helping them out anymore. So much for sowing goodwill.

But Jocelyn’s happy to get her husband back in one piece, having presumably realised that her life in Jamestown would be fairly bleak without Samuel to protect her. So, there’s that.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.