Jamestown: He’s Got Stones, All Right

Alice and Silas are understandably pissed off that their only cow has been needlessly slaughtered, but they do the totally stupid thing and immediately go to Massenger’s place and publicly accuse him of having done the deed. He denies it, reminding them that there’s at least one other guy in the colony who’s not keeping them on his Christmas card list.

He means Reade, of course, and the poor man has the misfortune to catch Alice not long afterwards and to try and apologise for having been kind of a jerk over this whole Alice-Silas thing. She completely misreads what he’s saying and starts shrilling about how he killed their cow. He says he absolutely did not and is incredibly offended that they would accuse him of such a thing. To be fair, though, Reade, you have been acting pretty creepily about their marriage. But the whole almost being hanged thing seems to have straightened him out (no pun intended).

Still, he’s angry enough about this accusation that he retaliates by setting off to find out what happened to Henry. Hopefully nobody will be needing the services of the town’s only blacksmith while he’s off on this little mission.

So, they’re back to Massenger, and now Silas and Alice do a really dumb thing and formally accuse him with no evidence whatsoever. They don’t seem to recall that at least half the panel of men who’ll pass judgment in this case are known to be cronies of Massenger, and one other man–Governor Yeardley–has very suddenly started to act like he feels poorly.

Once they realise there’s no evidence to back up this accusation, Redwick and Farlowe dismiss the case. At that point, the governor collapses and is carried away.

Christopher diagnoses kidney stones. Ugh, poor Yeardley. Since it’s clear he’s going to be out of commission for a while, Farlowe immediately takes control. Joscelyn, of course, is not on board with that AT ALL and she goes to Yeardley on his sickbed and tries to bully him into naming Samuel as his proxy while he’s under the weather. Lady Y is all, ‘this is NOT the time’ and, indeed, Yeardley looks so terrible it’s clear he’s not in any state to make these sorts of decisions. Farlowe remains in control, for now.

The one decision Yeardley does make is to agree to let Christopher perform surgery to remove the stones. Chris is completely freaked out, because he’s a physician, not a surgeon, and he has a terrible track record for surgery. But there’s not much choice here: he goes ahead with the procedure. Have you ever wanted to witness 17th century kidney stone surgery? Now’s your chance!

The surgery is a success, but Yeardley’s still not in great shape. Understandably. And now pretty much everything in the colony starts to go to shit.

Remember Bailey? If you don’t, I don’t blame you, since he was casually introduced just last episode. He’s that cute militiaman who was set to fake-date Mercy. Apparently, he’s quite a favourite of Discount Blake Lively’s. She lavishes him with compliments and attention one night while he’s at the tavern, all the while brushing off some other guy, who just gets drunker and angrier as the night goes on. This goes as well as you might expect: he goes after Bailey after closing time, and Bailey winds up accidentally shooting him dead.

He’s brought to trial, of course, but between the shooting and the trial, Redwick has offered him a deal: he won’t hang if he throws DBL under the bus. Bailey obediently lies at the trial, claiming DBL was coming onto both him and the dead guy, promising assignations, the whole deal. Because these poor, weak men were tempted by this evil woman, Bailey is discharged. DBL is all, ‘Ok, I get that you’re saving your skin here, but now the trial’s over, can you maybe tell everyone I’m not a total whore?’ Bailey does not. Meredith’s confused by all this, wondering why Redwick put him up to this, but then didn’t arrest DBL for being a scarlet woman or something.

That night, Bailey and a bunch of the militiamen show up at the tavern and totally trash the place. It’s not clear if this is still Redwick’s doing, or if the militia’s starting to just act up, or what. I can’t see what Redwick hopes to gain by putting him up to this: it just makes it look like Redwick can’t perform the basic duties of his job, which is to maintain order in the colony. I know he’s pretty incompetent, but it seems odd that he’d deliberately set out to appear so. Even Farlowe’s confused by this, and tells Redwick it’s not going to help either of them if these men run riot. I don’t know what Redwick’s endgame is here.

And just to make things a little crazier, Reade comes back with news from the native tribe: Henry is not, in fact, dead, but is quite alive and headed off with Davy. This just makes everyone more suspicious of Silas again, and Redwick and Farlowe wonder why he’s not hightailing it to the nearest boat to go find his brother. Alice freaks out at the very idea, yells at the men to leave them the hell alone, and then gabbles to Silas that he can’t go, because he can hardly search all of Virginia for his brother, now, can he? He’s got responsibilities at home now! Silas, now upset, asks her to just leave him alone for a little while.

Also rather stressed is Joscelyn, because when she went to go pressure Yeardley to promote Samuel, Lady Y got angry and told Joss about the letter she wrote to her cousin. Clearly desperate to get this off her chest, Joscelyn goes to Christopher and confesses her history. Back home, she met a boy, and fell in love with him, and thought he loved her, and because he talked a good game, she apparently ‘went into the woods without a chaperone’ with him, and I think we all know what that means. But apparently this was all some kind of bet he had with his laddish mates, who were also stashed in the woods to bear witness. Yeesh, what an asshole.

Buuuuut… Joscelyn heard the truth about this whole situation and responded by poisoning him to death.

Ummm… you lost me here, Joscelyn. I get that you were angry and upset, and you had absolutely every right to be, but getting revenge on someone who played a mean prank on you by murdering him is waaaaay beyond the pale. You are not Carrie. That is not an appropriate response.

Speaking of inappropriate responses… Christopher is not horrified or scared to death by this obviously kind of psycho woman. Quite the opposite: he tells her that he loves her and then they nearly make out.

Christopher, no, no, NO! That is not how you respond when a woman tells you she killed an ex-boyfriend who let her down. You RUN, run far, run fast, and, if you’re able, warn Samuel on the way.

Yeah, sooooo, before things can go too far (thank your lucky stars, Chris!) Farlowe comes in. Joss beats a hasty retreat, but everything’s so obvious that even Farlowe can figure it out, and he takes a moment to warn Chris about the sort of punishment adulterous women face. Not men, of course, because double standards and all, but it is kind of nice of him to throw out a flag here, because clearly all the flags Joscelyn has been throwing up isn’t getting through to our good doctor.

Apparently Bailey feels like a bit of a jerk for having trashed the tavern, so he goes by the next day to express some kind of regret, and to warn DBL that there’s going to be a mutiny in the town. I no longer have any idea how any of these events are linking up into some bigger plan, or what Redwick is even doing, or if he’s doing it.

DBL goes to warn the governor, so Yeardley drags himself out of his sickbed and goes to confront these mutineers, who have taken position on some kind of barricade and look, for all the world, like part of the chorus for a travelling company of Les Miserables. Yeardley manages to win Bailey over by promising him a more official position and a promotion, but as Bailey approaches the governor, Redwick shoots him dead from within a nearby building.

DBL screams and rushes to Bailey’s side and is with him as he dies. I guess this was supposed to be some sort of an emotional moment, but since Bailey was so recently introduced and so thinly drawn, I don’t feel any more emotionally involved in his story than I did that of the guy he shot in the beginning. This is not how you do emotional losses, writers. Get it together.

No more mutiny! Yay! Of course, Redwick and Farlowe look like they suck at their jobs, so that’s a problem, for me, at least. I get the feeling it will, mysteriously, not be a problem for the show. Joscelyn’s problem is Lady Yeardley’s letter. She needs to intercept it when it arrives, and in the meantime she needs to find a way to win Lady Y’s pity. Well, Joscelyn, maybe you should start off by not being a raging bitch every time the woman speaks to you. That would be a good beginning.

And off in the wilderness, Henry and Davy are on their interminable trip. At one point, Davy has a nasty fall, and Henry could just leave him, but instead he bandages him up, and the two make it to the top of a mountain, overlooking miles and miles of untouched wilderness. Here’s hoping that map Henry has in his head is super accurate, because otherwise these two are definitely dead.

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