Hunderby: I Want You, I Need You, Oh Baby, Oh Baby

Previously on Hunderby: Edmond found out that he has to have a kid to inherit his mother’s fortune, which is a problem because he apparently has no idea how sex works. Helene found out Fogarty is married, and Fogarty found out that Helene had a child at some point in the past. And thanks to Helene’s big mouth, Dorothy knows it too.

Edmond is addressing his flock from the pulpit and telling them he’ll have to leave soon, because his wife has refused to bear him a child. Everyone’s very sad to hear that, but they’re impressed to learn he plans to go to Fiji and be a missionary, along with Helene and Jeff. That’s apparently news to Dorothy, who’s so displeased she throws an apple at the back of Jeff’s head and then blames the guy sitting in front of her.

After the service, Dorothy follows Edmond to the vestry to scold him for not taking her to Fiji. He seems quite displeased with her, for reasons unknown, and suggests she find a new job.

Helene, meanwhile, has taken refuge in the choir loft, where Fogarty finds her. They note that both their hands are shaking “like two butterflies” and have a moment that leads to a kiss so powerful she slams her and down on the keyboard of the organ, catching the attention of his wife, Hester, who’s being wheeled out by one of the other wives.

Outside the church, Hester admits she may have had a “mishap,” since she has no control over her lower functions anymore. Somehow that leads to a brief conversation with the other wife over how great Fogarty is and how sad Helene must be to leave. Although she keeps smiling, it’s a nervous one, and you can tell Hester’s not heartbroken to see Helene go.

While reading the paper, Dorothy comes across an advertisement for a traveling freak show and smiles wickedly.

Helene takes Susan outside and runs into Fogarty, who’s come to deliver a letter and make out with her for a while.

Edmond and Jeff, meanwhile, are playing Blind Man’s Bluff in the sitting room, until Dorothy comes in to spoil the fun. There are strange knocking sounds from above and Edmond reassures Jeff it’ll just be two more months of that. Dorothy observes that they’ll be in for some hardship in Fiji, but Edmond’s sure they’ll be fine, since Jeff’s dark skin will scare off the natives he’s supposed to be going there to convert.

Helene comes in and tells Edmond they’ve been invited to a farewell dinner at the Fogartys’. Dorothy immediately assumes she’s invited too, but Helene quickly sets her straight. It’s just her and Edmond. He’s fine with that and suggests Dorothy and Jeff stay home and play Old Maid. Ha!

At the Fogartys’, Hester’s keeping everyone waiting, awkwardly. Edmond helps himself to some nibbles and Helene spares a moment to look at him with complete loathing. As the waiting draws out, Edmond suggests he read a holy gospel. He heads out to the carriage to retrieve his bible. Once he’s gone, Fogarty tells Helene he’ll “boil in his britches” if he can’t have her. The turns of phrase on this show are fantastic. She pleads with him not to say such things, especially in his home. Edmond returns, bitching about Hester’s absence just as she wheels herself in with the roast hog’s head and invites her husband to carve. Fogarty agrees and starts sharpening his knife veeeery slowly in what I’m assuming is supposed to be a sexy manner. Hester makes small talk about the impending move to Fiji while Fogarty gets creepier and creepier with that meat. Helene tries desperately not to lose it.

Later in the meal, Fogarty offers to take a look at Susan’s injured leg and tells Helene to bring the dog to his examining room. The two of them head out, dog in tow, but Helene won’t even let him kiss her now, arguing that she’s married and has already failed her husband by not bearing a child. He reassures her she’s not the failure in that equation, but he too recalls that he’s married and this is so, so wrong. But also so, so hot. Helene licks his finger and he repeats the gesture, and soon they’re going at it while their spouses finish dinner downstairs, apparently none the wiser, despite the noises above.

That night, while Edmond prepares for bed with Jeff’s help, Dorothy arrives with his bubbly milk and Edmond’s missing pocket gospel, which has the ad for the freak show folded up in it. Dorothy tells him she’s going to try and heal the poor unfortunates. Edmond thinks it’ll be too much for her alone and that they should all go.

At the freak show, fire breathers breathe their fire, a strongman lifts his weight, and Siamese twins wave cheerfully. Edmond arrives with Dorothy, Joseph, Annie, Tom, and Helene in tow. Annie and Tom immediately go in to one of the tents to check out the show, while Edmond wanders over to the muscled men and dwarves tent. Odd combo. He declares it a tragic spectacle and Joseph goes right in, with Edmond following. Helene wanders alone until she finds the Curious Lumpen Folk. In that tent, a pair of naughty boys throws stones at an animal-like man. Helene starts to pull aside the tent flap and the man sniffs the air, like he’s caught a scent he recognizes. But before she can go in, Fogarty appears beside her and admits he’s there to both heal and make out with her some more. She’s game. Off they go together. Inside the tent, the man starts to get upset.

Dorothy finds the man in charge and asks to see the hunchback. He tries to be smart with her and gets a neat slap for his trouble. He tells her where to go.

Helene and Fogarty find a spot just outside the ring of tents and kiss. Helene tells him she loves him and he kisses her again.

Dorothy finds the hunchback—the animal man—who’s the same man from Helene’s locket. What a small world! He tells Dorothy that he’s blind because of Elizabeth and demands to know where she is. Man in charge arrives and Dorothy tells him she wants to take the hunchback away and he’s to name his price. His price is apparently not in currency.

Fogarty and Helene are, rather recklessly having a tryst right there behind the freak show, but they’re interrupted by Hester’s frightened cries. Helene tells Fogarty he has to go help her, so he goes and finds Hester locked in a cage. She weeps that the man in charge captured her. Fogarty asks what she’s doing there in the first place and she says she came to find him and bring him a snack. He realizes (as does she) that his fly’s open.

Dorothy and the man in charge emerge from his wagon, she distastefully wiping her mouth with a handkerchief. He leers and says the hunchback’s all hers, but when she goes to fetch him, he’s gone! Dun dun DUN!

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